She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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