i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize