I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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