I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
