So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The Olympian is in my bed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize