I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
