Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
In America we eat man semen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
