you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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