matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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