There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
