Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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