I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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