She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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