why didn't you poke me back
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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