Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
