literally had 100 drinks last night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
