She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
