Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
