It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
