She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Randomize