that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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