I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
