is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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