There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
