I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize