Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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