she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
