my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
