I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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