drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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