Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
