I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
