Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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