had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
