Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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