So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
