Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize