i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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