I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
