booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
