there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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