How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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