I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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