I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
