I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
