Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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