Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
