I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
