I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
