Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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