that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
