Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize