Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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