K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
