so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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