I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
