We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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