so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
