I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
