i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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