Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
