you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
