Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
