There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
