True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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