when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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